June 8, 2012

10 things I've learned from a year with twins.

Penny and Ben are quickly approaching their 1st birthday and I am in disbelief.  There is just no way it can be that long!  It has been a crazy ride getting through this first year with them.  The year has been full of tears, joyful, frustrated, sad, overwhelmed, any kind of tears, they are they have been cried in this household this year!  Now I am not nor will I ever claim to be an expert on raising twins, but I have compiled this list of things I have learn with a year of them.  I am not perfect and sometimes forget these lessons and have to keep relearning them.  Some of them I have to remind myself of daily, but I'm trying.

Penny and Ben's newborn picture
1. It's ok to not be happy when you learn you are having twins.  The second you announce you are having twins, all you will here is how doubly blessed you are.  And while this is true, sometimes it is not what you want to hear.  This is something that is so hard to voice.  All of us have friends or family who are trying to desperately to get pregnant.  You may even have been in the same boat, but it is still ok to not be thrilled.  It does make everything harder.  Your pregnancy will be hard.  You will never get that one new born baby one mommy bonding.  You will not sleep for atleast 2 months.  Things are just a lot different.  Some people are over the moon when they find out, and for them I say fanastic!  But if you are anything like me and go back and forth from being happy to being terrified it's ok.  Don't feel guilty!

2. Schedule Schedule Schedule!  For your own sanity get the babies on a schedule.  I know that we should never wake a sleeping baby, but it you have twins I say if one is up, wake that second one.  Feed them together, sleep them together, play with them together.  And when they are old enough, a nap and feeding schedule will be your best friend.  Trust me, it makes your life easier, and in my opinion, your babies happier.

3.  Be Flexible.  Yes I did just tell you to make a schedule and stick to it, and now I am going to tell you to be flexible.  It's a conundrum I know, but it's important.  Getting them on a schedule will help you, but you can't be a slave to that schedule.  Never forget they are two little people and sometimes need a little wiggle room.

4. Reprioritize. Your house may have been spotless, you may have made gourmet meals, you may have been crafty, but I'm sorry to tell you that your just going to have to let it go for awhile.  Freezer pizza is now your friend.  If someone ask to help LET THEM!  It is ok to have a messy house and know your Chinese delivery mans name.  It happens.

5. Trust your mommy gut.  This is the most important part of parenting any baby I believe.  No one knows your baby and your situation like you do.  Only you can make decisions that work for your family.  Don't let others sway you from what you feel is right for your own family.

6. Stop comparing yourself to other mommies. (even other mommies of multiples.)  I found it easy not to compare myself to moms with one baby.  I would just think, sure you have one, easy for you to say.  But there will be twin moms who seem to have it all together.  They are the ones that got to me.  I would think "wow their house is clean!"  I would read facebook posts about the dinners they were cooking all while I was covered in baby puke, sitting on a mound of laundry, feeding a baby and shoving pizza in my face.  Just remember people have a good face they show the world.  And odds are they are doing the same thing when you post on facebook about the cute thing your little ones are doing now.

7. Crying is OK.  This is a hard one.  It is hard to listen to one baby cry while you are feeding the other one, but as a mother of twins you just have to do it.  It is a sad fact that you are out number.  Just know you are not harming them.  You are not scarring them for life.  You are not ignoring your babies needs, and for heaven's sake quit reading those books and article that say you are.  Cut yourself some slack.  You are doing a great job and your babies love you more than anything else in the world.  Literally

8. It's only for a little while.  Repeating this got me through sleepless night and collicky twins.  I just kept saying this is only gonna last a month, and I can do anything for a month.  Soon they will sleep, soon they will stop crying, and ya know what?  They did!  I know I am lucky but I now have two babies who go down with out a fuss for 12 hours at night.  This also goes for the good stuff to, so that is also important to keep in mind.  Those newborn coos only last for a little while.  Those first smile, chuckles, steps only last for a little while.  So you get will get through it, but try to cherish it too.  I know!  Another conundrum!  I'm sorry.

9. You can do It!  There are going to be days where this is going to be your mantra, and it is important to keep telling yourself this.  You will be pushed harder than you have ever been pushed in your life.  Getting through the first year with twins is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  Just know God gave you these twins and you can do it!  No one else but you can be a mommy to those babies.  And you are perfect for the job!  Just remind yourself of that from time to time.

10. It gets easier. But then it will get harder, but then it is will get easier again.  It is a cycle of twins, with each new phase comes challenges.  Newborn twins is a unique experience, I feel like mothers of twins have almost a war bond.  I know that may sound extreme, but it's true!  No one knows what you have been/are going through like they do.  And after surviving my first year I will say, it has gotten so much easier.  I dare to say sometime I make dinner and sometimes I have a clean house... sometimes!!

10 and 1/2 months old

 So like I said, I am no expert nor will I ever claim to be one, but this is what I have learned.  My musings and lessons through the first year.  I love it!  The days are long but the years are short.  Looking back time has flown by.  I can already do so much more with them.  I just can't believe their 1st birthday is in less than a month.  So here's to the future lessons they will teach me!


 

14 comments:

  1. I'm a new follower from Crazy Mama!'s Monday blog hop. Just stopping by to say hi!

    Your twins are just precious!

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  2. Mary, you amaze me. :) I can't wait for their party!

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  3. They are adorable! And I have so much respect for twin mommies... It's hard enough with 1 baby!

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  4. They are too cute. Time goes by too fast.
    New follower from the blog hop
    http://lifeexperienceneeded.blogspot.ca/

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  5. I agree with all of these! Now that I'm several years out from the infant phase, I'll also share that I tend to remember the good parts and I find that I've forgotten the really tough stuff. (Until I look back at old posts on forums or blogs and then the harsh reality smacks me back in the face. Dang, that first year was HARD!)

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  6. Great tips! And I cried A LOT, ate whatever was in front of me, and cannot remember the first 2 months of their lives! The best advice I got (which was from a NICU nurse friend) was that no baby has ever died from crying, so it's ok to let them cry while you are doing something.It may be hard, but it will be OK. Mine are almost 5, the time does fly WAY too fast! I'm here from the M&MN, love your blog, and the kiddos are adorable! I'm your newest follower!
    Kim
    My Twintastic Life

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  7. Oh, and I voted! I'm on there too!
    Kim

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  8. I caught your post through the Multiples link up and I am passing it along to a friend who is also due with twins any day. You put it so well!

    I agree with others... crying is o.k. and if you need to cry to- go ahead and do it!

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  9. Well said momma! Thanks for linking up with us!

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  10. Great list. It's the same for life with triplets I think! Enjoy all the celebrations and reflections as your twins reach their first year milestone.

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  11. Finally the truth about having newborn twins. Thanks! I am a grandmother of twins now 2 yrs. They were preemies but grew so fast and with no signs of their early start. Blessed! Stopping by to say Hi from the blog hop. Come visit sometime, tea is cold and no shoes are required. Kathy B. http://www.southernmadeintheshade.blogspot.com

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  12. Hello! I wrote my own 10 Things about raising twins, you inspired me.

    Check it out:
    http://preemietwinsandme.blogspot.com/2012/10/10-things-i-learned-one-year-after.html

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  13. I love this post! I'm 13 wks along with fraternal twins and found your blog doing random internet searches - so inspiring!

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  14. Great list! My boys are 7 months now and I can already relate to all of these lessons, especially Schedule Schedule and learning that crying is OK. Always good to hear that other moms have gone through it already though and have lived to tell the story ;)

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