Now I put them in bed and I am sitting down with a cup of coffee listening to some music trying to calm down and figure out a better way.
They are 18 months now and to be honest the terrible 2 came a little early for Penny. 3 times this morning she hit me and yelled no at me. I know this is normal behavior, but it definitely can get under my skin. She will listen to you generally but she won't be happy about it. She is definitely in the "throw yourself down and hit and kick anything that is near by" phase of temper tantrums. They are usually are short burst and are over quickly. Ben on the other hand completely acts like he can't hear you or has no idea what you are asking him to do. When you finally take something away or make him stop pulling the cats tail, then it starts. No where near as intense as Penny's tantrums, but his mind is a steel trap. He remembers what he was crying about and it can go on for 30 minutes.
So here I am. All the articles I have read on peaceful parenting and dealing with 18 month old behavior don't seem to factor in that I have 2 of them, and usually when one is acting up the other sees an opportunity to do something they know they are not supposed to do, ie pull the cats tail or climb shelves. How does one deal with these things while having another baby to contend with. As soon as I get the hang of this whole twins things they develop farther and I feel like I am at square one again.
My house is baby proofed, so it is generally an area of yes for them. I try my hardest to always use calm tones with them, remove them from what is causing the problem and explain to them hitting hurts or whatever the case may be. I'm not sure they understand timeout yet, nor am I positive I want to use it all the time. Even when I do try it requires so much attention on the offender in timeout that the other one gets into trouble. So what do I do? I need to figure out something we can all live with.... I just have no idea what that is. I welcome any suggestions though.
Awww, I have no suggestions for you but I hope someone else reading does. Hugs to you! :)
ReplyDeleteI promise it will pass. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will. I read some great books when my kids were younger, but i can't remember if they pertain to toddlers. (My kids are 16, 12, and 9.) Here are the books:
ReplyDelete1. "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk"
2. "Siblings without rivalry"
3. "Parenting by the Book"
I found when my kids were little that some good ol' fashioned me time really helped too. It seemed to rejuvinate me. Take some time to pamper you so that you can deal with toddlerhood. :)
Mary, have you looked at the Love & Logic series? I don't know that they specifically address twins, but it is a good, effective "discipline" and parenting series.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.loveandlogic.com/
No twins, but I have a 3-1/2 year old and an 18 month old, and they tag-team misbehave just like you described (my son, the younger one, has been in timeout twice this morning for biting, a lovely new habit that just started 2 hours ago). All I can say is my parenting motto is "this too shall pass." Some days go a lot worse than others, and while this won't help in the present, I recommend writing it down. You'll get a good laugh a year (or 20) from now. I actually took that advice from my mom, who wrote down one of the worst patenting days she had with my brother when he was 3. We read it when I was about 17, and I can still remember laughing so hard that we cried because of how absurd it all was (my brother wrote the book on being a terrible toddler).
ReplyDeleteaw mary i feel for you. i obviously only have one right now so i certainly can't give you advice from experience. i hope someone that does have experience is able to help more.
ReplyDeleteif you're interested in reading some books i would recommend Unconditional parenting by alfie Kohn and Connection Parenting by pam leo. also, Parent Effectiveness Parenting by thomas gordon. i actually have a million books i could recommend lol.
i would love to talk more about this with you sometime! slash we need to talk this week anyway! love you! you're doing great! they're lucky to have you as a momma!
*Parent Effectiveness Training
ReplyDeletei've also heard great things about How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk!
ReplyDeleteI've also heard good things about the Love and Logic, although, I'm not familiar with it...but I did just start following their FB page.
ReplyDeleteMany of the moms in my twins club highly recommend "123 Magic." I just bought it on my Kindle and am working my way through. (I've been journal-ing a bit through it and hope to blog about it down the road.) I am already seeing a big improvement with my 24-month-olds. Still not 'easy,' but I my stress level is much lower lately. (I have been pulling my hair out from frustration and exhaustion as well.) The book does say it is intended for strategies for ages "2-12," but I think the basic ideas could start to work a little before 2? Good luck. I feel your exhaustion for sure!
Hi Mary, I am also a stay at home mom and have 2 1/2 year old twin boys. I totally understand what you are going through! I started giving them time outs at age two and they worked like a charm but recently the charm is all gone :) Not affective at all. I had already heard that time outs never work and never wanted to give it a try but did when nothing else worked! They are rolling on top of each other all day long, throwing things and pulling each others hair and I have no idea how to stop them. I just end up screaming at them and feel like a terrible mother :( I was thinking of giving the toys time out instead of them. It might work hopefully.
ReplyDeleteTwins r hectic & chaos but can be a lot of fun 2. As a single mother of twin girls 3½yrs, I've had some moments of pure joy & on the flip side been brought to tears from their doubled up, tag team efforts. I've woken up to my head drenched in wot I thought was toilet water but only to find both girls crying & sitting in a slippery slide, in the middle of the passage way, surrounded by bottles & covered head 2 toe in every kind of liquid soaps & detergents etc they could get their little hands on. Took me an hour to get us all soap free! S mix of broken eggs, sugar flour, breakfast cereal, my cigarettes & water from the fridge in my carpet in the living room & brand new 64inch TV now with a shattered like inside screen and lines now running all the way through it! They r all go all the time!! Day care was my saving grace for 2 days a week but since the new changes, now barely affordable & I've reluctantly had to remove them. So its me & them all the time & I am beginning 2 feel the strains of their demanding behavior. Which brings me 2 here. I find wen I take them out they are so much more hyped & it leads to misbehaviors like refusals to get in the car or come down from the play grounds resulting in a dramatic & on occasion dangerous chase around the car. U just get 1 then u got the other 1 taking off in another direction. If I don't take them out then they encourage each other to terrorise me & destroy the house! My sanity is reaching critical levels of ... Well absolute crazy, insane!
ReplyDelete