January 12, 2013

An Unlikely Feminist

As many of you know being a stay at home mom was not what I planned to do.  I had so many other plans that included the Peace Corps and Law School and Politics, but life happens.  I met Will and gladly gave up Peace Corps dreams.  I should even say gave up, because it truly was no sacrifice, let's say found out it was not meant to be.  By the time I finished up with my 2nd degree I was just so ready for a break and busy planning my wedding, I found out law school wasn't meant to be.  Like I said, these were not a sacrifice, just an unplanned life change, they happen all the time!

I did still plan on being in politics though.  When we moved here so Will could get is PhD, getting back into campaigning was still the goal, but a preschool teaching job fell into my lap, and let's face jobs these days don't fall into your lap, so I took it.  I loved it more than I ever though I would.  I was just so fun!  Not only did I love the hilarity that is a room full of two year olds, I liked the organization and planning of teaching.  I love lesson planning and craft supplies and the books, oh how I loved the books.  So I didn't mind the break from politics, infact politics had really jaded me and I kind of needed the break.  It is hard to be jaded when you are surrounded by 16 big-eyed open-minded two year olds.  After I had been there for awhile I found out I was pregnant.  A little while later that I was in fact pregnant with twins.  The cost of twins in daycare on a preschool teacher's and phd student's salary was daunting, so I became a stay at home mom.

And that is how we got here!  Now I have some friends who have known me from before and they honestly feel like I gave up my life and my dreams.  They almost pity me for being where I am.  I was filled with so much passion for what I wanted to do and the changes I want to try to make.  What I don't think they understand is that I am still filled with that passion.  I still want to make changes in the world.  I still have all the same principals I had then, but I found out I am called to do something else.  I am more fulfilled and content with my life than I ever was in all the campaign work I did.  I'm not saying I won't get back to it on some level someday, but campaign managing and political strategy is not in my future.  In my future is homemade cookies and carpooling and yes even more babies, and that is perfect with me.

Many of my old friends I don't think would consider me a feminist anymore.  Many of my new friends have problem with feminists.  They feel it is a mother's duty to stay home.  The subscribe to the adage "Why would you have kids if you would give them to someone else to raise all day?"  I don't agree with that, but I do feel if you can stay home and you want to stay home, by all means find a way to make it happen.

So here I am.  I am stay at home mom not always at home in the culture I am a part of, but absolutely loving being a stay at home mom.  I still believe in all the things I used to believe in, but because I made the choice to stay home, I am perceived from my feminist friends as less of a feminists.  I believe the movement was all about choice.  Being able and allowed to make that choice.  I am married to a man that if I said tonight "I wanna go back to work"  He would say "Do it!" but he also understands and respects my want to be here for our babies.  I make this choice.  I love the choice I made, yet I respect it is not for everyone.

So that leaves me here.  Home, where some think a feminist should not be and some here think feminists have it wrong.  Here I sit and unlikely feminists believing women can do it all.  Believing we are capable and equal in every way.  Believing above all life is about making the choice and being allowed that choice and respecting others choices.  I am still the same women I was, I just chose a different life.



  1. Aaron asked me the other night, after a very hard stay at home mom day "Are you ready to go back to work?" I responded with "yes and no" Yes, I'm ready to be among adults who can hold a conversation about something other than Disney Princesses. Yes I would love for my children to have missed me all day and want to spend time with me rather than daddy. I would love a lot of those working mom things. However, the only reason I don't is because I don't want to miss these years. They are the hardest years (in my opinion, because I don't have teenagers) but they are also the fastest years.

  2. My feelings on this subject is that women have the power to choose to do what they want. Both choices, staying at home or working come with benefits and sacrifices. We sacrifice having a second car, cable and other luxuries for me to stay at home and I am 110% okay with those sacrifices. What feminism gives us is the power to choose, there is no wrong choice.

  3. You said the most important part of all - you are loving being a stay at home mom! That's all that matters. If you feel judged by others, that's their problem not yours. :)

  4. You wrote my heart in this post. I've always said it's like Charlotte says on SATC, "I choose my choice!"


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...