Hear stirrings coming from the pack-n-play at the foot of my bed.
Don't move a muscle! .... maybe it's just gas.
First verbal cry.... Maybe he will still go back to sleep...
Second cry... Ok, I'm up, get to the pack-n-play. He looks asleep. Wait a minute, hmm I hear nothing... very quietly go back to bed.
Crying. Nope. Ok, guess we are really doing this.
Pick up the baby and make your way out to the recliner. Try and remember which boob goes in his mouth.. no idea, just pick which every one feels the fullest.
Doze in and out while the precious baby nurses until suddenly you wake up. Maybe it was from his fussing at your now empty boob, maybe it is from the sound of your own snoring. Either way you figure out what is going on and you change sides.
This time you are a little more awake, and the baby is a little less urgently hungry. Although you would love to be in your bed, this little baby is pretty amazing. You guys share that amazing baby mommy eye contact while he drinks happily. And you might even find yourself thinking... OK, maybe it was worth it to get out of bed at 3AM just to get this moment.
It is becoming quickly apparent to me how fast it all goes. It seems insane to me that I now snuggle a 6 week old. While there are times I think getting more than a 3 hour stretch of sleep would be amazing, I am able to look at Ben and Penny and see how fast the time goes. They are little kids. There is no baby there any more. Instead of 3AM feedings I am dealing with sassiness and fighting. I understand that Judah will only be this small for so much longer. If he follows the twins, I only have a month or so left before he does sleep through the night. Don't get me wrong, I will rejoice in my first full night of sleep, but a part of me, no matter how small, will miss those quiet moments. Those moments when there is nothing to do but snuggle and feed my little baby. In the fast-paced, quick-thinking world that is motherhood, those quiet moments where nothing else exists except for you and that amazing being in your arms are rare. So even sleep deprived, I can find enjoyment in the quiet and amazement of those early weeks of motherhood.